{Soundtrack to this blog: "An Old Peasant Like Me" by Explosions in the Sky}
The thing of it is, is that we all try and lose ourselves in these so-called "satisfying" things to conceal our pain. We try to lose ourselves in movies and music and busy work and art and sports and relationships and we think that that will make it better somehow. That by being 10 pounds lighter or by having sex with the perfect guy or by being a starter on varsity rather than sitting the bench or by getting wasted with our best friends on Friday or by writing the perfect song or by just making our parents proud for once or whatever it is that we will somehow be happy then because we've finally made it. Because we finally got to the place that they all talked about, and it's going to be SO awesome.
But that's not really what has been revealed to me.
What has been revealed to me is something more beautiful than any song I've ever heard and more incredible than any experience I've ever lived.
It's been a truth, all-consuming and all-powerful.
That truth is,
There will never be a boyfriend that can save me from myself.
There will never be an achievement that can make me or my parents proud enough.
There will never be a friend that will love me perfectly.
There will never be a waistline or a thigh measurement that will bring me happiness.
There will never be a time when I can be good and pretty and funny enough for every person that I encounter.
And there will never be a medicine or a drink that can change how lonely feels.
The truth is,
I should lose myself.
I should lose myself wholly and completely.
We all should...
Should surrender.
Give up control.
Because whenever I pilot my plane, it always seems to end up crashed on a deserted island. And maybe I'm dancing and singing with the surviving passengers, but I'm still going to die out there one day.
No matter how much I try to glamorize my brokenness it's still broken. And no earthly thing can glue me back together.
The only
glue,
bandaid,
savior,
or
gospel
is Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
He has made me new.
He is making all things new.
He is good and faithful and satisfying.
He is bigger than that fight with a friend or that time you got drunk alone or when your girlfriend cheated on and dumped you or when you missed the winning catch or when you failed that AP Bio test or when you lost the job that you needed so bad or when you wanted to die.
He is better than a first kiss or an A+ or a touchdown at State or a belly laugh or dancing in the summer rain or that feeling that you get after you just watched a really, really good movie or your arm around your best friend or your wedding day or when your dog was a puppy and she would fall asleep on your chest or when you were little and your dad would carry you to bed.
He is bigger than all the hurt and better than all the beauty.
Not only is He better than the beauty, He CREATED beauty.
If He can make beautiful moments, He certainly can make beautiful people, from the inside out.
Don't try to save yourself anymore, friends.
Love Him.
Seek Him.
Find peace and joy in Him.
Get lost in Him.
He is the only thing worth getting lost in.
"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 16:25 ESV
