Eighteen years bursting out of the backpack
Slung on my shoulders and
a knife in my back pocket.
I was trekking through late fall forests,
Dry trees and dead leaves,
Calling it an adventure while
[secretly]
looking for
A Name Of My Own.
A birch tree
[who called me friend]
told me
That I was headed straight.
That my full backpack meant
prepared for all
That my readied knife meant
safe from harm
That my focused hazel eyes meant
you've got it together, kid.
The maple leaves
[who were ablaze for me]
sang to me sweet-sounding songs.
An anthem of autumn.
A
Keep Going,
Don't Stop Now,
You Will Get There Soon Enough
melody.
[I sang along]
My jacket kept warm,
Though maple leaves kept waving goodbye.
Trees spoke more quietly.
[I walked on]
My feet began to grow weary,
My shoulders slumped from the straps from the weight of the backpack that
once held promise.
[I wished for a compass]
And so then my eyes searched more;
desperate
in a dying land,
for something
for anything.
[How could I forget a map]
Birch tree woods wordless.
My seemingly purposeful knife never drawn upon attacking enemy,
But looking more like a friend to me.
The Sharpness sang loudly while
maples
went
silent.
[I had packed appropriately]
Autumn fell.
Silence.
[I was quiet too]
In the winter
Hunger groaned
And my jacket did not keep the bitter snow from soaking my skin.
My years fell artifact by artifact into the white piles around me as
The zippers on my backpack gave up.
[I gave up too]
There were no red leaves
[though my sharp friend could find red in me]
Only gray everything.
The ice grew around me.
[ ]
I was alone in a dead world when
You Found Me.
The first hint was the Gold.
I knew
brown
gray
white,
I knew
red.
And I knew yellow
But none like this Gold.
[I was a stranger]
The Gold came to me
Line by
Line.
Bursting through the gray.
The Gold threw itself against my bed of ice
and melted the bitter cold that felt permanently a part of me.
The Gold is what started it.
[I did not know, I did not deserve]
With the Gold came newness.
With the Gold came green;
sprouting,
promising,
breathing.
Hands gaining feeling,
Hearts gaining meaning.
With the Gold came life.
[And so I let You take my heavy backpack and my knife]
I had left on an impossible journey
Convinced that those leaves and trees would give me that which I wandered for.
Mistake-ridden, lost and hopeless girl, I walked until I no longer could.
[I needed You to lead me]
I did not know that the Sun could be so faithful,
until I realized that the leaves could never be.
[This is what the forest did not tell me]
